Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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