She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
