Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
