oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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