HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
