So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
