i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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