Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
