apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
