.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
