And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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