Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I heard we made out
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
