All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
