I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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