Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
