I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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