This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
