made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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