sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
