Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
