You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
