Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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