i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
