I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
