Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
