How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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