eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
