I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
