PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
