You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
