i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
