8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
