I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
