Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
