I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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