I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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