Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
