im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
