Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
