his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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