I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
