you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
