I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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