Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
