dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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