that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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