You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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