Need sex. Gaining weight.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
