my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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