it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
