haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
