Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize