dude i'm inner monologue high
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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