im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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