dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
