I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
God I need to hump something, right now.
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