I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Who died my cat blue again?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
