Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
