I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
