He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
