You're completely useless in the revolution.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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