I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize