he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just found puke in my bra..
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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