I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
