I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
